Self-Esteem, Perfectionism & People-Pleasing Support in Calgary

Gentle, practical help for patterns that feel heavy, hard to satisfy, or tied to fear of rejection

Self-esteem, perfectionism, and people-pleasing are interconnected experiences that can feel like internal pressures rather than choices. You might find yourself trying to meet extremely high standards, feeling “not enough,” or constantly looking outward for approval. These patterns can present quietly and subtly, affecting mood, confidence, direction, and relationships, or they may feel intense and unrelenting.

At Monarch Psychology in Calgary, we offer counselling that helps you understand the reasons behind these experiences and supports you in building steadier self-worth, flexibility, and freedom from patterns that no longer serve you. Our approach is collaborative, trauma-informed, and grounded in evidence-based care.

How to Get Started

Taking the first step can feel difficult, and support is here when you’re ready. You can book an appointment directly or reach out for a free 15-minute phone consultation to discuss your questions, get matched with a therapist, and feel confident about your next steps.

Lori Helfenbaum

Registered Social Worker (She/Her)

Peter Driftmier

Registered Social Worker (He/Him)

Paige Ellis

Registered Social Worker (They/Them)

Anna Robertshaw

Registered Social Worker (She/Her)

Natasha Thibodeau

Registered Social Worker (She/Her)

Devany Paxman

Registered Psychologist (She/Her)

Nicole Caines

Registered Psychologist (She/Her)

Monika Pakstas

Registered Social Worker (She/Her)

What This Experience Can Feel Like

These experiences can show up in many ways, including:

Feeling persistently “not good enough”
Setting extremely high standards and feeling distressed when they aren’t met
Repeated self-criticism or inner pressure
Anxiety about others’ opinions or fear of letting people down
Struggling to say “no,” set boundaries, or ask for your needs to be met
Prioritizing others’ comfort over your own needs
Rigid expectations of yourself or others
Guilt, shame, or exhaustion related to performance

These experiences often develop as coping strategies, such as ways of trying to feel safe, valued, or secure, even if they feel stressful or exhausting now.

When Support Might Be Helpful

Counselling may be helpful if you notice:

Your self-worth feels tied to performance or approval
You feel overwhelmed by pressure to “get it right”
Anxiety or low mood is connected to self-judgement
Saying “no” or asserting yourself feels near-impossible or unsafe
Relationships feel impacted by your people-pleasing patterns
Inner critic voices feel constant or harsh
You feel chronically insecure in relationships

You do not need to be in crisis to benefit from support. Counselling can help you build understanding, self-compassion, and practical approaches that fit your life.

How Counselling Helps

Counselling at Monarch Psychology in Calgary focuses on understanding how these patterns emerged and how they maintain themselves over time, while helping you build tools that support self-respect, flexibility, and confidence.

Therapy can help you:

Explore beliefs that fuel perfectionism, self-criticism, or people-pleasing
Address underlying factors and unmet needs driving undesired patterns
Build emotional regulation and self-compassion skills
Practice setting boundaries and prioritizing your needs
Increase awareness of values and authentic self-direction
Reduce distress connected to external approval or internal pressure

We draw on evidence-based approaches such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), parts-focused therapy, trauma modalities, and compassion-focused work. Our services are always tailored to your goals and readiness.

What to Expect in Counselling

Therapy begins with understanding your unique experience, including your story, the patterns that you want to change, and your hopes for your future.

In counselling, you can expect:

A calm, affirming space to explore your patterns
Collaborative goal setting based on your priorities
A depth-oriented approach that looks beyond symptoms
Skills that support regulation, confidence, and resilience
Exploration of identity beyond performance and approval
Pacing that respects your comfort and needs

Therapy is not about fixing you. It is about helping you understand and transform patterns that feel heavy or limiting.

Common Questions About Self-Esteem, Perfectionism & People-Pleasing

Are self-esteem and perfectionism the same thing?

Not exactly. Self-esteem refers to your overall sense of self-worth (an inner experience), while perfectionism involves setting extremely high standards and tying value to meeting them (a behavioural response). These experiences often overlap but are distinct.

Why do people develop people-pleasing patterns?

People-pleasing often develops as a means to ensure safety, acceptance, or connection, particularly in the context of unsupportive or unsafe relationships. Over time, it can become automatic and exhausting, especially when your own needs go unmet.

Can therapy help me feel less self-critical?

Yes. Evidence-based approaches help reduce self-criticism by addressing underlying factors driving the self-criticism, building self-compassion, perspective, and flexible thinking over time.

Will I have to “change who I am” in therapy?

No. Therapy is not about changing your identity. It is about understanding your patterns and compassionately building ways of living that align with your values and well-being.

Is this related to anxiety or depression?

These patterns often co-occur with anxiety or low mood, but they can also exist independently.

Is counselling covered by insurance?

Many extended health benefit plans cover counselling with Registered Psychologists or Social Workers. Coverage varies by plan, and our team can support you with receipts and direct billing where available.